"I am dark but beautiful, dark as the tents of Kedar, but beautiful as the curtains in Solomon's palace. Don't look down on me because of my colour, the sun has tanned me. My brothers were angry with me and made me work in the vineyard. I had no time to care for myself." Song of Solomon 1:5-6 GNBThe young woman of this story has a feeling of insecurity because of her appearance. Her dark skin is due to the constant work she endured in the sun. Her explanation for her dark appearance was almost an apology. She was trying to get the other women to realize that her outer appearance was a result of cultivating her brothers vineyard instead of cultivating her own.
How many times women do we find ourselves in this predicament? Serving and cultivating the lives of others while we neglect ours. This is the perfect opportunity for insecurity to creep in or for the insecurities you already have to worsen. It is a part of godly character to care for others above yourself, but never to the extent that you neglect yourself. We as women tend to appreciate when others need us, but after time it wears on us and we tend to experience all types of feelings, emotions and behaviors.
Feelings, emotions and behaviors? Yes, this is due to insecurities that have developed over a period of time in your life. It could have been because of how people treated you when you were a child or even as an adult. It could be as a result of how you see yourself. There are many factors to insecurity. I Am Her, we fight insecurity everyday, it can be a major downfall in our lives if we allow it to be in control of areas of our lives. Insecurity can be quite dangerous, as it matures within a person.
Some characteristics of insecurity are:
1.Aggressive Behavior (depending too much on things or people) many suffer with this who have deep insecurities. People then become the purpose of why you base everything you are by living your life through others. Or they consume material things in order to hide their weaknesses. Or using others as a human shield trying to operate their lives through other people or through what they have.
2.Affective Behavior (self conscious and preoccupied with the reaction of others) this is where I'm guilty. Worrying about what people think about you is a terrible torment that you inflict upon yourself. Everyone says, "what do you care if people don't like you or receive you as you would like." This should not bother you, but if you are a person of insecurity, you care what people think and their reaction towards you. Many people don't just appear to be insecure especially women; we are very good at being oscar winners for the performances we give in a day to day.
3. Criticism (tearing others down to build oneself up). There are those who always have something negative to say about others, mainly because the insecurities that lie within them. I have had people just look at me and say, they don't like me without knowing me at all. The rapper Drake stated, in a quote, "insecurity is an ugly thing it makes you hate people you don't even know."
The Shulamite woman in this story spoke out against what would make her insecurities control her outlook of herself. She began to speak of herself with high esteem. She says, I'm dark but beautiful and don't look at me differently because of what I've been through. What you see is what the sun has done to me and serving others more than myself. But in spite of what you see, I'm all that sisters! I'm weathered but still elegant.
In conclusion, be determined to live outside of your insecurity and low self esteem. It is very difficult to see yourself and your life different than others see you. You are unique and special in the sense of what God's purpose is for your life. Be strong, to all women, young, and old. You might be a little weathered, but oh, how elegant and mighty you are. Love yourself, enjoy being you and celebrate yourself for out living every experience, no one victimizes you more than you. I Am Her, but today I confess no longer a daughter of insecurity and low self esteem but a daughter of promise is who I am!
